God and St

God and St. Francis on Grass

Every once in awhile I receive something over the internet that is just too good to delete and begs to be shared. I received the following from a “deer” friend and enjoyed it so much that I’d like to share it with all of you who may not be on the “net” and may not have seen it. I tried to track down the author but had no luck. I can relate to St. Francis because he is the Patron Saint of Animals. And even though my birth certificate states that my name is Frank it was changed to Francis when I first entered parochial elementary school. The name that my parents gave me at birth and documented on my birth certificate didn’t matter to the Nuns of the O.S.S.T. (St. Ann’s School in Bristol, Pennsylvania) - they changed my name to Francis. At home and away from School, to family and friends it was “Frankie.”

Imagine the conversation our Creator might have had with St. Francis on the subject of lawns and grass:

GOD: Frank, you know all about gardens and nature. What in the world is going on down there in the United States? What happened to the dandelions, violets, thistle and stuff I started eons ago? I had a perfect, no-maintenance garden plan. Those plants grow in any type of soil, withstand drought and multiply with abandon. The nectar from the long lasting blossoms attracts butterflies, honey bees and flocks of songbirds. I expected to see a vast garden of colors by now. But all I see are these green rectangles.

ST. FRANCIS: It's the tribes that settled there, Lord. The Suburbanites. They started calling your flowers "weeds" and went to great lengths to kill them and replace them with grass.

GOD: Grass? But it's so boring. It's not colorful. It doesn't attract butterflies, birds and bees, only grubs and sod worms. It's temperamental with temperatures. Do these Suburbanites really want all that grass growing there?

St. FRANCIS: Apparently so, Lord. They go to great pains to grow it and keep it green. They begin each spring by fertilizing grass and poisoning any other plant that crops up in the lawn.

God: The spring rains and warm weather probably make grass grow really fast. That must make the Suburbanites happy.

St. Francis: Apparently not, Lord. As soon as it grows a little, they cut it --sometimes twice a week.

God: They cut it? Do they then bale it like hay?

St. Francis: Not exactly, Lord. Most of them rake it up and put it in bags.

God: They bag it? Why? Is it a cash crop? Do they sell it?

St. Francis: No Sir --just the opposite. They pay to throw it away.

God: Now let me get this straight. They fertilize grass so it will grow. And when it does grow, they cut it off and pay to throw it away?

St. Francis: Yes, Sir.

God: These Suburbanites must be relieved in the summer when we cut back on the rain and turn up the heat. That surely slows the growth and saves them a lot of work.

St. Francis: You aren't going to believe this Lord. When the grass stops growing so fast, they drag out hoses and pay more money to water it so they can continue to mow it and pay to get rid of it.

God: What nonsense! At least they kept some of the trees. That was a sheer stroke of genius, if I do say so myself. The trees grow leaves in the spring to provide beauty and shade in the summer. In the autumn they fall to the ground and form a natural blanket to keep moisture in the soil and protect the trees and bushes. Plus, as they rot, the leaves form compost to enhance the soil. It's a natural circle of life.

St. Francis: You better sit down, Lord. The Suburbanites have drawn a new circle. As soon as the leaves fall, they rake them into great piles and pay to have them hauled away.

God: No. What do they do to protect the shrub and tree roots in the winter and to keep the soil moist and loose?

St. Francis: After throwing away the leaves, they go out and buy something which they call mulch. They haul it home and spread it around in place of the leaves.

God: And where do they get this mulch?

St. Francis: They cut down trees and grind them up to make the mulch.

God: Enough! I don't want to think about this anymore. St. Catherine, you're in charge of the arts. What movie have they scheduled for us tonight?

St. Catherine: "Dumb and Dumber," Lord. It's a really stupid movie about . . . . .

God: Never mind, I think I just heard the whole story from St. Francis.

(Author anonymous)

Even though this particular email message makes light of people’s efforts to achieve that perfect lawn - there is a much darker side. It is true that many Americans spend a lot of our time, money and sweat on maintaining our lawns - our little domain. We could list a few of the positive aspects of keeping a well groomed lawn - it provides exercise, work, sales and it may be therapeutic. But this may be about the only positive things that we derive as a result of this strong desire to have the best lawn on the block - that may be void of all unwanted plants, insects, mammals, pets and children. Poisons, insecticides, herbicides, fertilizers, algecides, are used by the tons every year here in Orange County and across our great country. I read once where Orange County is one of NYS top counties for pesticide sales. Couple this with all of the other toxicants and pollutants from our industries and we have mixed-up a “doomsday cocktail” that is persistent. Many of the poisons that we use today are not just selective to one type of insect or species. They all come right back into our bodies and systems either directly or indirectly. We may not be able to see or taste the poisons that may be in minute amounts - some in the ppm or ppb range. Our government and the FDA may be testing/approving many different products before they are marketed. But a particular product that managed to get on the store shelf was most likely “singularly tested” on certain lab animals in “sterile“ conditions. In many cases the cumulative effects of drugs, poisons and toxicants aren’t addressed, are difficult to determine and may never be known.

As a fisherman, hunter, consumer of wild foods and one who is very concerned about our environment (this makes me an environmentalist) - I am very concerned by the growing list of NYS waters, rivers, lakes, streams etc., that the NYSDEC and NYSDOH warns “not to eat any” or “eat only one meal per month” of fish that inhabit these waters. Perhaps you may remember one of my previous columns where I wrote about a 2 1/2 year old white-tailed buck that I harvested during last fall‘s hunting season. He had a large tumor growing on his urinary bladder. I sent the bladder to NYSDEC Head Pathologist Ward Stone in Delmar for analysis. It was determined that it wasn’t cancer but Ward informed me that deer do get cancer. It concerns me that any creature

(especially a large mammal) that has lived in Orange County only 2 1/2 years may get cancer in its short lifespan - this should be a wake-up call to everyone.

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An OC SCOPE Chapter is forming. The Shooters Committee On Political Education a statewide pro-gun organization is forming a chapter in Orange County. Call Mike Kubow (496-1183) for more details.

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The Spring Wild Turkey hunting season ended May 31st. I hope that you were successful in your quest for this magnificent American species that has played such an important part in America’s history. Some folks say that that the Wild Turkey should be the symbol of America instead of the Bald Eagle.

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Free Fishing Days - June 23-24, 2001. During the last weekend in June, anyone can fish NYS waters and no license is required. It’s the perfect time to take a friend or relative fishing. For more information - contact a NYS regional DEC Fisheries Office. In our region (#3) the phone number is 845-256-3161.

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Bike the Buffer - a Stewart Buffer Bike Tour is being planned by SPARC for Sunday June 10th.

Free lunch, T-Shirts and water bottles will be provided to entrants. Contact Ralph Grimaldi for more details - 845-496- 9487.
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Outdoor Liaisons appears every other week in the Times - Frank can be reached at the Times - email forthebirds39@earthlink.net for 845-562-0941.